I like to drive fast, really really fast. I got my first speeding ticket at age 16 and 3 days. It wasn't just me though. Me and my whole high school crew were a bunch of speed junkies. We'd have 7-car races going 130 mph down 3 lane streets. We'd block all the traffic along the highway to 15 mph all as revenge because one guy cut a friend off. We've had guns pulled on us and been shot at for upsetting drivers. I'm not condoning this recklessness, but painting the picture of my youth. We were rich private school kids with fast cars and a lot of time. We weren't into drinking or drugs so we drove fast, everywhere. (Disclaimer: Don't try any of the above actions ever)
As I got older I still couldn't help myself. If I'm not moving over 80 mphs it just feels SLOW. I hated it. And if someone passed me, there's my rabbit. That's my license to keep going faster. I love leaving as late as possible knowing that I'll shave time by speeding. I can beat the system. If it takes others 20 minutes, I'll do it in 17. One time driving back from LA we left around 2am. My passenger was passed out so the best way to keep myself awake? Adrenaline, ie. driving fast. We made it from Downtown LA to Palo Alto in just under 4 hours. I've almost had my license suspended in Virginia, Pennsylvania, and California for tickets upon tickets upon tickets. I love min/maxing everything. Maximizing my time while riding that line of suspension. Micro optimization leads to incredible efficiencies. That starts with time and expanded into everything else I do.
This past year something changed. For example, today I was driving on the highway and cruising at 65 and felt at ease. I know, crazy right?? Something fundamentally has shifted and I've been reflecting on what. I've actually spent time while driving studying my own thoughts to try to pinpoint what is different about my attitude: I don't feel the need for speed.
This is what I've observed: I don't feel the need to beat everyone around me anymore. I'm sure some of you are thinking, that's the most petty thing I've ever heard. I'm sorry, I apologize for my immaturity, just trying to call it like I see it, OK? Before when I drive I look around me and I judge EVERYONE. I look at the people who look nothing like me and I think to myself, I must go faster than them. Driving must be some metaphor for life and I arrogantly think I'm better than everyone and must prove that constantly through my driving. Driving was feeding my pride and arrogance, proving in my mind some stupid superiority complex.
But now what was happening? I'm no longer needing to fly past everyone on the road. I'm OK when some honda civic cruises past me in the left lane going 70 mph. Somewhere in me there's a greater sense of peace. Somewhere the "keeping up with the Joneses" or in my case "crushing the Joneses by getting there 2 minutes earlier" mentality was starting to come undone. I didn't have that uncontrollable urge and was starting to feel a sense of ease and peace when on the road. In no way am I saying I am no longer judgmental or no longer prideful or arrogant. I know I am all those things. But to some measure those things have decreased and for that I'm thankful.
I still believe when called upon to rescue someone or get us out of danger one day my highly honed fast and furious driving skills will come in handy. But for now, this speed demon has a new MO. You'll find me cruising along at a more reasonable pace and hopefully with a bigger smile on my face... just don't cut me off.