Hey Alex. I know we talked about some of these things and reflected on our friendship this past year but I’m probably writing this more for myself to gain some closure and as a way to process my grief.
We’ve known each other a long time and I’m doing my best to recall the details but you were always so much better at recalling the details than I, so apologies if I mis-speak but you’re not here to correct me, so it’s really your fault. Starting from 3 years old at Stratford preschool and stayed in school together all the way through high school, you and Biren I would consider my oldest friends. Our friendship really bonded in the middle of elementary school, 3rd grade I think. Really need your memory bud. Remember how we used to just sit on the phone and watch TV together? We didn’t even talk but we would just be watching the same show together. Laughing at the same jokes and just making sure to share an experience together. Our crew of Biren, Anil, Jamil, you and I. Along with others Barrie, Geoff, Faheem etc. I loved our group and wanted to do everything together and we pretty much did. We collected cards and comics together. We gambled on baseball, basketball, hockey games. I remember we had a book to keep track of everyone’s bets and would sit in the locker room and tally who owed whom money. I told your parents that we used to gamble in elementary school btw. Hope you don’t mind. Those were really fond memories.
You challenged me though. You were always inviting other people into our friend circle and I didn’t like it. I wanted to keep this tight friendship within this group, but you kept inviting others in. Some friends like Anil and Faheem I pushed away (not sure even why anymore and sorry guys for that), but your friendship with them and inclusion of them forced me to change. You’re the one that brought in the new students and invited them into our group, Andy, Hunter, Erik are some examples. You changed me man. I wanted to keep things close and tight but you challenged me to be open to more people, accept more people, take “risks” with their friendship, and for that I’m forever grateful. You challenged me to change and because of your persistence, I did. Thank you brother.
Sadly in college and in my twenties I pulled away from many people that were meaningful in my life. My parents, sister, other family, and important friends like you. For that I’ll forever regret how I treated you all. For over 10 years, I was not mindful of these relationships and can understand any disappointment people have in me.
After that period of my life in my 30’s when I started to reconnect with family and then friends, I knew one person wouldn’t, couldn’t ever reject me, that was you Alex. You at the core of your being, you could never write off a friend. I knew that in spite of my neglect when/if I needed you, you would show up. That’s the kind of friend you have always been. I’m thankful for Biren and Anil as we got a chance to share some time together in the Bay Area and now Jamil and others. Whenever I came back to Va Beach and hit you up, you always made time. You gave me your trust and friendship again even though I didn’t deserve it. Your grace extended to me meant so much.
So if you’re wondering, that’s why I tried my hardest to be present for you this past year. You are a role model of never giving up on someone. You would drop anything when a friend was in need, so I wanted to do what I thought you would do for me, be present as time was nearing the end. I’m not one for fancy gifts or fanciful words. Because of the pain you were in I think half the time we spent together this past year was watching TV together, just like in elementary school but at least not over the phone anymore. But really we got to watch Gabriel’s baseball game together, watch Hazel dance and dance during dinner time when she should have been eating, watch you reprimand the kids for slamming doors and leaving stuff around the house, your love expressed for them in helping them develop healthy habits in life. I’m just glad I got to walk together with you a few days, to just be present.
In your final days you didn’t change one bit. Even when your body was failing you, you used the little energy you had to tell Gabriel to not slam the door, you put away your laundry with the hyper-organized method only you can maintain, but more importantly you were still always thinking and caring for everyone around you. You took the time to introduce me to Tony, Jesse, Josh knowing that I had no idea who they were but would probably see them over the next few days. You made it a point to connect and introduce us in your weakened state. Man, all the way to the very end you’re challenging me.
So I guess it’s time to say goodbye. I know I didn’t when I left your bedside yesterday. I knew less a miracle I wouldn’t see you again based on your condition and I was leaving for a 15 hour flight, but even then I still couldn’t say goodbye. I didn’t want to treat you like you had already passed or maybe I just didn’t have the courage to say it. But I guess I can’t hold out any longer. Goodbye old friend. You’ve challenged me for over 30 years to be more open with my friendships. You’ve shown me grace in accepting me even when I didn’t deserve it. You didn’t waste your time on earth. You are leaving behind an amazing wife and wonderful children. I’ll continue to honor you by living out the life lessons you taught me. I’ll continue to live out our friendship by actively caring for your parents, sister, Emily, Gabriel, and Hazel. I’ll see you in heaven and we can catch up then. Love you Alex.
ps. sorry about the photos. You're the guy I would ask for photos of us, lol. But that's all I could find on short notice.
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